Awful Album Covers

• 2012-06-01 0 notes

  smoonie asked: I found this while reading some random tweets from friends. This is a great tumblr! Please post more!

  Thank you! And I will.

• 3 notes

  

  “Ennui” is like a superpower to ole Andrew Gold. It slows the world down to slow motion; even the golf balls his uncles hit at him at the family reunion for being the only ginger.

• 2012-03-01 5 notes

  

  Well GOLLY yeah I’ll accept the charges! Be a gosh durn honor to.

  Hello? Is it God? God it’s me, Jerry Jordan! Man with a plan. What’s that you want to know? My Sears card number? Heck, ‘so sayeth the Lord’ I guess. God this gone sound crazy but you sound just like my step-sister’s new boyfriend Snake.

  Anyway 65-23-6…

• 2012-02-03 10 notes

  

  X-Men! This is Terry Riley. I am communicating to you telepathically to warn you that Kitty Pryde is in grave danger! There are some… mutant bad guys in the area! You’d better give me her phone number so that I can, like, call to warn her.

  X-Men! Terry Riley here. I have another telepathic message. Kitty Pryde left her pen in the library. I only noticed it because I happened to be staring in her general direction at the time. Not looking at her specifically, mind you. My eyes went soft. Please tell her that. We may have locked eyes. Anyway, what was my point? Pens! This pen looks kinda important. Like it’s her favorite pen or something. If someone could “think” me her digits real quick I’ll let her know.

  X-Men! Me again. T. Riles? Telepathic powers. I wear that cape? More like a towel, really. I learned a cool trick: think of a number between 1 and Kitty Pryde’s phone number. Don’t forget the area code.

• 2012-01-27 3 notes

  

  See. Falling asleep to the noises in the other room of Mother, who looks young enough to be your sister, seducing the private school headmaster so that you can have a better life than the one she danced away hanging off the arm of every orchestra player with a fresh set of reeds in his pocket don’t have to become nightmares dripping in blood.

• 2012-01-25 14 notes

  

  My, my, my is that a vagina in your pocket?

• 2011-11-19 13 notes

  

  Don’t get taken in by the glamour of that turquoise blue mood ring. His “Crystal Cave” refers to the butt hole.

• 2011-10-14 4 notes

  

  This is still the #1 album in Atlanta STD clinics.

• 2011-10-10 8 notes

  

  Fleetwood Mac is the cake. You, the baboon. Have fun listening to Rumours for the 12 thousandth time.

• 2011-09-23 2 notes

  

  These are the male descendants in one of those hypothetical ‘last man alive repopulates the Earth’ scenarios.

• 2011-09-20 3 notes

  

  Your boat is beautiful.

  “Thank you. I enjoy sailing. Out on the water I feel like I can be myself. Sometimes I lay out on my stomach by the railing and whisper things to the water. Things I never tell anyone.”

  Things like?

  “Like that this isn’t my real hair. It’s actually a rather clumsy toupee. No one else knows this. I am sorry I just told you.”

  Don’t be sorry.

  “You’re right. You are the one who is sorry. Because no one knows and no one will know.

  Let me lay out for you your final few hours on this earth: we continue to sip riesling as the warm sun embraces our skin and shimmers off the blue water. For this brief moment we exist outside ourselves. Until you notice a slightly acidic aftertaste at the bottom of your stemware. Oops, you just fell into the water. Too bad I can’t save you but I am so full of wine and sun that I went into a deep slumber. Only when I wake do I realize you are gone forever; that it’s just me and the water once again. I have another secret to tell it, and as I do I see my wondeful hair in its reflection.”

• 2011-09-18 0 notes

  titaniumsweetie asked: <3 your blog. xo

  Bless you for your great taste.