Awful Album Covers

• 2013-02-12 1 note

  

  You would think a guy named Vader Abraham would be much cooler than this. Much, much cooler…

• 2012-10-26 67 notes

  

  There is but one way to put an end to the Garvis. You must kill the middle Garvis. When his head is beneath the stars launch your steel into his eager neck and slake the cold blade’s righteous thirst. Without his power the other four Garvis are bootless. They will gnash and wail a pungent song that will make your ears bleed. Their eyes will turn to stone and their bodies will melt into smoke and ash.

  And the graves will shudder and the birds will wake in the sky and for the passing of 10 saeculum no one will dare mention the name of the Garvis; and the world will be safe. Until one day when someone will make fun of the Garvis on a part-time blog about stupid looking album cov… oh. Oh no. Oh God, what have I done?

• 2012-10-17 1 note

  

  This is one of those memory necklaces, right, that you put on things to remind you not to strangle them?

• 2012-07-27 6 notes

  

  A preposterously meta album. Turns out the “that” he raps about not being into is rap music.

  *Includes a bonus track about him not being into Bill Paxton movies.

• 2012-06-01 0 notes

  smoonie asked: I found this while reading some random tweets from friends. This is a great tumblr! Please post more!

  Thank you! And I will.

• 5 notes

  

  “Ennui” is like a superpower to ole Andrew Gold. It slows the world down to slow motion; even the golf balls his uncles hit at him at the family reunion for being the only ginger.

• 2012-03-01 8 notes

  

  Well GOLLY yeah I’ll accept the charges! Be a gosh durn honor to.

  Hello? Is it God? God it’s me, Jerry Jordan! Man with a plan. What’s that you want to know? My Sears card number? Heck, ‘so sayeth the Lord’ I guess. God this gone sound crazy but you sound just like my step-sister’s new boyfriend Snake.

  Anyway 65-23-6…

• 2012-02-03 10 notes

  

  X-Men! This is Terry Riley. I am communicating to you telepathically to warn you that Kitty Pryde is in grave danger! There are some… mutant bad guys in the area! You’d better give me her phone number so that I can, like, call to warn her.

  X-Men! Terry Riley here. I have another telepathic message. Kitty Pryde left her pen in the library. I only noticed it because I happened to be staring in her general direction at the time. Not looking at her specifically, mind you. My eyes went soft. Please tell her that. We may have locked eyes. Anyway, what was my point? Pens! This pen looks kinda important. Like it’s her favorite pen or something. If someone could “think” me her digits real quick I’ll let her know.

  X-Men! Me again. T. Riles? Telepathic powers. I wear that cape? More like a towel, really. I learned a cool trick: think of a number between 1 and Kitty Pryde’s phone number. Don’t forget the area code.

• 2012-01-27 3 notes

  

  See. Falling asleep to the noises in the other room of Mother, who looks young enough to be your sister, seducing the private school headmaster so that you can have a better life than the one she danced away hanging off the arm of every orchestra player with a fresh set of reeds in his pocket don’t have to become nightmares dripping in blood.

• 2012-01-25 15 notes

  

  My, my, my is that a vagina in your pocket?

• 2011-11-19 17 notes

  

  Don’t get taken in by the glamour of that turquoise blue mood ring. His “Crystal Cave” refers to the butt hole.

• 2011-10-14 4 notes

  

  This is still the #1 album in Atlanta STD clinics.